I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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