Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
