Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
