I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
