worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
