And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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