i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
