he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
