I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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