I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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