is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
