We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
even my farts smell like vagina
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
