i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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