If i come over, it means nothing
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
