tell your sister to shave her snatch
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
