i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
