We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
