two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
