Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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