what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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