it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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