what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
