Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
