Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
this beer tastes like vomit already
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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