in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
