Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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