I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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