Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
