I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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