4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
