My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
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