i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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