Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Man, jail baloney is awful.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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