I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
