Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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