hell yes lets make some ravioli
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
