i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
