If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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