I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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