I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I want a musical about memes.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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