Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
