eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
