I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
