Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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