By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
