The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
