ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
