I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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