i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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