So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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